Rufus Collar

I find that there are only a few portions of my life at this point in time that I am content with. These being my relationship with my girlfriend, which in some ways I am not content with as I am always trying to move forward in it, my family, and my spirituality, again which I am determined to continue growing in. That leaves a good amount of things left in the other category.

At this point, I am fairly agitated in my current work situation. It’s becoming more of an issue as I am now aware of my frequently being feverish and sick without even realizing it. My girlfriend, my Mom, and myself have all commonly identified the source to be work related stress. Sure everybody has stress in the workplace, and I don’t expect that any other job would be less stressful. I don’t tend to deal with this kind of stress well because it is the equivalent of 5 jobs worth of stress. I am convinced that changing my work situation will reduce my levels of stress in several ways.

1. I will reduce the amount of stress to that of one job, or even two.
2. The pay will be enough that I will not be concerned for my finances to the extent that I am now.
3. I will not feel as guilty about having to miss work, or ask for time off because I will not allow my employer to become entirely dependent on me.
4. I will have the opportunity to start over with a clean slate and redetermine what kind of commitment my employer can expect from me (i.e. not over-committed).

At the time of writing this, I have been home most of the day sick and as intentionally as possible apathetic to what I may have been missing at work. Tomorrow there is a meeting that I do not want to miss (I am rather looking forward to it, which is nice). I am also anticipating a doctors appointment on Friday to determine what direction I should take in regards to my recent frequency of illness. I expect there will be blood-work necessary to rule-out viral or other medical causality…for which I am not thrilled. I wish I could arrange for the blood-work to be done when my girlfriend could be there with me as I do not enjoy having blood drawn (bad experiences).

Surprisingly, I have a chemistry test looming over my head for Friday afternoon, and yet I do not qualify it as stressful as work; in fact I am almost looking forward to it in spite of my potential unpreparedness.

I am also looking forward to the weekend, because there is a possibility that I will be visiting the Wichita zoo with my girlfriend. I find that time spent with her is relaxing (and indeed stress relieving), and a trip to the zoo would be an enjoyable outing.

Finally, I am hoping to be baptized again on Sunday evening. I intend to spend time in prayer tomorrow between studying for the test, and reading my bible and throughout the weekend.

In the meantime, I think I’ll keep giving the broken pieces of my sanity to God so He can super-glue them back together.

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